HH, Sir Godfrey Gregg D.Div
Have you ever tried to walk around your house in the dark? With arms stretched out wide, we feel our way around, running into dressers, patting walls with our hands, feeling for the familiar to find our way. It’s hard to see where we’re going without the light. It’s painful to run into things we didn’t know were there, it can be uncomfortable to not know where our next step may lead. It’s easy to lose our way when our eyes can’t see.
I wonder if the same can be true about our wilderness seasons in life. Those times when we feel like we are aimlessly wandering around in the dark and the divine presence of light feels far out of reach. As we wander, we wonder, where is He? Why isn’t He showing up for me here? Why did He allow this to happen? What now?
We all face seasons in our life and our faith journey where the distance between Heaven and earth, Him and us, feels endless.
Sometimes like David in the Psalms we cry out:
How long, Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? — Psalm 13:1-2
The reality of our humanity is that none of us is exempt from the pain and brokenness of this place. We all walk through tragedies and trials, seasons of life where God seems more like a distant elusive entity, rather than a close loving Friend.
Maybe like me, you planned out your life, but it didn’t pan out the way you wanted it to.
Maybe the dream you had in mind never became a reality.
Maybe there was a relapse instead of remission.
Maybe there was a divorce instead of reconciliation.
Maybe you were healthy but then illness came out of nowhere are you are waiting for healing.
Maybe you want to start a family, and though you’ve been trying for years, your arms are still empty.
Maybe you deeply desire to be married, and though you’ve gone on date after date, you are still single.
Maybe you were enjoying a stable, smooth life, but now you’re sitting in a season of depression that is dark, ugly, terrifying, and debilitating.
And maybe for the first time ever, you are wrestling with suicidal thoughts that you never thought you would have.
Truth is, sometimes the lights go out in life and we feel left alone in the dark with our pain. So how do we find our way back to the light? How do we take the next step forward when our eyes can’t see? How do we live with the pain?
Friend, I don’t have all of the answers, but what I’ve discovered through my own season of deep pain and grief is that the light is always there, we just have to search for glimmers of it.
God wants nothing more than to be close to us in our pain. He is sitting right beside us as we weep, He is our listening ear as we vent our frustrations, He is our steady anchor of truth in a sea of confusion, He is faithful, He is good, He is kind, and He will always make a way where there is no way. There isn’t anywhere we can go to escape His loving light.
One of my favourite passages from the Psalms illustrates this so well:
O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. 2 Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. 3 Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. 4 For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether. 5 Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. 7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? 8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. 9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; 10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. 11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. — Psalm 139:1-11
Friend, He is “bringing light into your night.” Keep holding on. Keep asking Him to help you live with the pain, keep putting one foot in front of the other even when you cannot see where you are going. He is preparing a way and strengthening you along the way. You are not alone. You are loved. Keep going.